A soft answer........

I think every woman will be able to identify with this next statement:

I WENT OFF ON HIM IN THAT TEXT MESSAGE. I MEAN I REALLY READ HIM HIS RIGHTS!!!!!!!!

LOL!!!

However, so I thought.

See I'm struggling to even share this story but as you know when God gives me a word I have to share it. So here goes

My husband and I had a disagreement and like always I had to send him a text message even THE NEXT DAY because I still had a point to prove. This time I was really going off. Hitting so many points and things I was "justified" in saying. I noticed the first (set), yes set of messages, he didn't respond and of course that made me even more upset so I sent another round (gosh this sounds bad lol),  I felt so much better the last message because I bared my soul in what I was saying. As I hit send, I waited for the little bubbles to pop up in the iMessagewithnhis respons......... now I see that he's responding, I'm anxious, thinking of what he's going to say about my message and few seconds later the message comes through and it read:

I LOVE YOU!!


Wait...........WHAT??? PERO DASSITTT???? I love you???? Did he see what I just wrote?? How upset I was? How my feelings hurt? Did he say that I was trying my best to make him feel how I feel? Hurt how I was hurt? (Go back and read that again).

BUT DID HE SEE????????????????????????????????



And just like a gush of wind, it hit me..........."I love you". Tears welled up in my eyes. He didn't want to fight as much as I didn't want to fight and I allowed my emotions to control my actions. "I Love You". It wasn't a saving grace, it wasn't a you won kind of thing, "I love you," because this isn't worth losing you.

The Bible says in Proverbs 15:1 "a soft answer turns away wrath but grevious words stir up answer".
It's not always, if ever, really worh the fight sometimes it's best to end it with a simple "you're right" or "thank you but I'm not taking that today". This wasn't just for this area in my life but God was showing me for every area in my life choose the "soft approach". The problem with me is I ALWAYS choose the soft answer. I always brush things off and give people their way so I felt justified but what He wanted me to see was, the battle is NEVER mine, it's HIS *insert praise break* and if I could just trust Him and let go of what I'm "feeling"  then He can work it out for me.

My husband saying I love you was bigger than that, it was His faith that allowed him to walk away from making a decision to combat what I said, potentially ending with both of us being hurt.  He made a decision to choose right and that over-ride anything that I did that was not right (uuuuugggghhhh lol).

 God has this remarkable way of doing things. He has this way of opening up our eyes in areas that we don't expect  but He does it because He cares so much for us. Take a moment and think about all He times that you could have used a soft word to end a disagreement. Now think about this: Was it worth it?

Until we meet again, God's peace, blessings and love I leave with you.













This Is A True Story.....................

Secure Your Seat

"With loving kindness have I drawn you....." Jeremiah 31:3

We took the kids on a two day visit to Sesame Place, just to get a little break, let them have a little fun and escape all the madness that has been hitting the media lately.  On the first day we arrived a little later than expected so we started the day late which wasn't a part of the plans. Needless to say it was off to a fun start. Since we went on a week day, the park closed at 8 and Sesame usually throws their parade an hour before closing time. A little bit before 7, we decide to walk towards the entrance to get a good seat and view so the kids could watch the parade. We spot a nice bench and decided to sit there. My husband took the kids to get something to eat while I stayed to "hold the seat down."  I have the littlest one with me so 2 minutes in he's already getting antsy, wanting to be with his dad and brothers. I am constantly watching over him as he tries to run off, as well as "guard" this seat with my life (because in amusement parks they are really hard to come by) lol! 

As I'm doing this and driving myself crazy , three women with a baby in stroller walks by. The one pushing the stroller may have been about my age and the other two women looked like they could be her mom and maybe an aunt or something. They stop at this precious seat that I am holding on to but I really didn't pay much attention to them. A minute later one of them beckons to the younger woman to sit and as I saw that I gently said "I'm sorry. I'm holding this seat for my family."  She responds with a head nod and an ok and I continued to do what I was doing with 'baby busy body.' 

I finally get him to sit next to me on the bench and I glance over at the women with the baby stroller and a sudden sadness came over me. Why did I tell them no? Why didn't I just allow them to sit there? I started to feel horrible. What did I do? I could hear the Lord speaking to my heart and I started repenting. "God im sorry...."  As I'm saying that I hear the boys laughing, running up to me with food in hand and they proceed to sit next to me on the bench. As I look at them laughing and eating, I started feeling even worse. What type of message am I sending to my children? They are boys who should have been standing while these women sat down. Why didn't my husband pick up on this either? Was it that important to secure this seat?

See, here's the thing. I really made a bad judgment call. We have gotten so accustomed to fighting for everything that we had that we fought for our "right" to keep that seat but there were so many things wrong with this picture. I didn't think anything of it and neither did he until GOD convicted my heart. These were women, two in which were older women, and to make matters worse the idea of racism and prejudices started plaguing me especially it being the day after Alton Sterling was murdered. The women were Indian and now the idea that this black woman was "acting up" started to play in my head. They never once showed me a bad face but they looked over at me a few times and I ASSUMED that was what they were discussing amongst each other. I began crying inside for so many reasons. For not teaching my sons the right way, for not getting up and giving them the seat, for not showing God's love and being kind.............FOR NOT............for not doing what should have been the first thought for me to do. 

So many of us have made bad choices in life and we sit on our "benches" and cry the way that I did. We are so afraid to get up and just say "I'm sorry, I messed up" because we fear the response of the person or even the response of ourselves. I wanted to go over to them and say that I'm sorry. I wanted to tell them that I really made a bad call and that wasn't my intentions. I wanted to tell them that I messed up, that it was just a seat and I should have just allowed them to sit there. I wanted to say that it had nothing to do with culture or race, it was just a bad call. I wanted to say that but I was embarrassed. I wanted to say that but I was afraid......afraid of their responses. 

When you hear God talking, when you feel him tugging at your heart, respond to him..........He knows what He's doing and even the more what you should be doing. 

To the women, by the bench, on Sesame Place, maybe this post will cross your path one day, maybe someone you know is reading this and will share this story with you.  If you ever see this, I'M SORRY! In the moment I wasn't strong enough, wise enough or secure enough to say that I made a bad judgment call.  I watched you, as you all gushed over the baby, I saw her little face light up. I saw the disappointment in 'Grandma's face' when I denied you access to something that wasnt even mine.  I missed the mark but thank you for not calling me out in my wrong and allowing me to see for myself what I did wrong.

Maybe some of you reading this wont think its anything wrong with what I did because I had my own children to look out for but GOD thought that what I did was wrong, so much that He tugged at my heart and made me see it.  I want to be the change that I am praying for and since it starts with me, I want to say this to those of you reading.  Today, do something nice for someone, do something that you would not normally do.  Not the regular holding the door or giving a compliment but do something "ExtraOrdinary" and watch God move for you.


















This Is A True Story...........................

Like the weight on my shoulders..........prayer releases things

Lately it seems like my life has been a whirlwind of issues and of emotions. I have been hit left and right with what seemed like so much baggage. I feel like the woman in baggage claim at the airport, with her children, sitting and waiting for ALL the bags and as she grabs each one her arm weakens from the weight that's applied as she pulls them off the belt. 

It's hard being a woman and even harder being a woman that wears many hats and holds more than one titles.  

Very seldom do I cry when I write. Unless I am sharing my story or adding it to a piece of my work so writing this post and crying at the same time only means that I'm releasing those emotions of what has transpired in my life over the past few weeks. I encourage you as you read this, with whatever title you may hold or whatever hat you wear today to release the weight of what brings you to the point where you cannot seem to go on. Whatever your vice is (and I pray it is not drugs) use your vice to help release those things. Workout, go for a walk, shop, call up a friend BUT most of all pray! 

Today I am not feeling like myself but I wanted to pray for you and for me that the weight that so easily besets us would be released into the hands of the ONLY person that can fix it.....God himself!

Let's pray:

Father in the name of Jesus, I come bodily to your throne of grace today. I come asking for direction and guidance so that you can order my steps as you see how. I release the weight, the emotions and the cares of this world into your hands. I do this on the behalf of myself and everyone reading this. You see and know all things so I trust that you will fix what has been broken, you will resurrect what has died and you will replenish and restore all that we need to go forth in our lives. I declare peace into our hearts and into our homes. I command strength to over take us and grace to sufficiently guide us. Your love never fails so I rely on it today. Wrap your arms around us this evening Holy Spirit and comfort us so that we can be reminded to be still and know that God is God. Thank you for hearing this prayer. Thank you for moving on our behalves. Thank you for your forgiveness and your restoration. Thank you for being who you are because who you are is all that we need in Jesus name Amen! 

This is a true story.......

When you call, I will answer....

I think I've learned some of my most valuable spiritual lessons from my children. Everytime I think I got it, it's like BAM, they do something and as clear as day I can hear God speak to me through their actions or something they say.

I walked into an elevator today with baby boy (the 2 year old) and there were three people already on it. A man and two women. As we got on they all started gushing at him, "oh he's cute" etc. I thanked them for their kind words of compliments because I hold compliments in high esteem. People don't have to give it so when they do I let them know how much it's appreciated. So we're standing there and Liam starts pointing to the woman behind me. I put his little finger down and I said "baby don't point that's not polite" and as i put his little finger down it went right back up again. The women on the elevator chuckled at him, as I did too, and he proceeded to do it again. This time I was ready to pick him up and hold him with hopes of him not doing it again and like expected, he did it again! Now I have this nervous look on my face. I wanted him to stop, you know be one of those moms who have it all together and can speak in a very soft tone and their child listens, I wanted to be that, in that moment, but Liam wouldn't let me be great. The elevator approaches the next floor and as the doors open, the woman that was actually standing to my right reaches out to him and gives him her banana. IMMEDIATELY his face lights up, he laughs and yells "yayyyy mommy 'nana'" we all start laughing and as she walks off the elevator she looks at him and says "i hope you enjoy it." Now he's really happy. He's smiling and begging me to open the 'nana.'  Our floor comes up and as the remainder of us get off the elevator, the thought crossed my mind........how many times have we asked God for something and because "our" focus wasn't on the right thing we missed him giving to us the very thing that we asked him for. 

See, here's another thing, Liam doesn't eat bananas (well not anymore) but he's obsessed with the minions from the movie Despicable Me and because the banana is food of choice he has become obsessed with them too. He will ask you to open it and walk around with it all day long but won't eat it. 

The woman knew all along what he was pointing at and even though he was with ME, I still could not see it. She read his body language, even better than his own mother and she attended to the need that he had. That is just like GOD. He attends to every need and even when we think we know what we want (just like I thought my son was pointing at the other woman) He strategically waits for the right appointed time and then delivers it to us, like the woman to the right of me did. 

My focus was on the wrong thing, yet He still delivered. 

I wrongfully corrected my son (like we wrongfully accuse God) and He still came through. 

I was adamant about him putting his finger down like we are so adamant in telling God when He should move and He still moves at the point that He should so that what we need can be fulfilled and bless us instead of cursing out because we receive it out of its season. 

How many times have you asked God for something and wasn't found in the right place to receive it? 

Or how many times have you blamed him for not moving on your behalf when you give up hope and don't trust His timing? 

I admonish you today to not give up on what you are seeking after and just BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD!!! 

This is a true story...........

No one left behind......

My newly turned 6 year old never fails to amaze me. He's witty, smart, full of love & life and is always the voice of reason so when he says things that aren't regular "6 year old" conversations I try to share them. 

I've told you guys in the past that we do everything together as a family: food shopping, clothes shopping, ice-cream, to the corner store, lol, I mean anything you can think of so its not strange when we get home for everyone to rush out of the car to get in the house and relax. I'm usually the last one to get out of the car and my husband is usually the first one to get to the door to open it and bring the bags in (I move really slow sometimes, depending on if I fell asleep during the car ride or not) and I'll take my time and walk in. I've noticed my 6 year old lingering around, waiting, for me, so most of the times I'll tell him, don't wait baby go in the house with daddy, mommy is on her way in.......however.....He still stands around and waits for me. 

A couple nights ago we went to dinner and when we got back home it was a similar routine, everyone rushing to get in the house but this time the baby was asleep so my husband took him out the car and rushed him in the house and out the cold. I told my 6 year old the same thing to go inside with daddy and this time without hesitation he looked at me, with so much passion and love in his eyes and said "mommy I'm not leaving you behind. I won't leave any of us behind."  Immediately tears welled up in my eyes, he said it was so much care and concern that it moved me to tears. All the love that I had for him tripled in that one moment. He struck a note in me that I didn't even know existed. He played the very thing that I needed to remind me that God has not forgotten me as He hasn't forgotten any of you. 

"God isn’t late with his promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn’t want anyone lost. He’s giving everyone space and time to change.”

2 Peter 3:8-9 MSG

http://bible.com/97/2pe.3.8-9.msg

I chose the "Message" version of that scripture because it made it so plain that God's hearts desire is for none of us to be lost or "left behind". He desires us to be with Him so that we can be saved from destruction. When I think about my baby and how his little heart couldn't bear to see me walking in by myself so he waited, no matter the weather, he waited. Whether it was warm or cold, rain or snow, sleet or hail, he would wait for me, just as God waits for you. 

God's desire (a strong feeling of wanting to have something) is for you to not perish but to be with Him where you are safe and away from harm. He desires for you to be in a better place so bad that no matter you've done, He still leaves room for you to repent and come home to him. 

If you are experiencing any type of turbulence today, maybe it's raining problems in your life or you are covered in a hail storm of bills or health issues or relationship issues.......I dare you to just look up and reach your hand towards him, press towards him and let him see that you cannot walk this walk alone and as He desires to walk with you, you too desire to go on your journey with Christ as your guide. 

You will not be left behind!!

This is a True Story.......

It's been 2 years........

I could remember standing in the doorway of the triage room and my mom saying to me, "baby why are you standing here?" I told her that I didn't feel like sitting down anymore and she gently put her hand behind my back and guided me back to the bed. I woke up the next day, I was in This room that looked like a bubble and I saw my Pastor, my Elder standing at the foot of this bed that I was laying in. My husband was in a chair sitting at the top of the bed next to me, my dad was standing next to him and my mom was in the back, slightly sitting with tears in my eyes. I didn't know what was going on and as I went to open my mouth to ask a question, I could barely speak. I was hooked up to so many machines, I heard them so clearly beeping as they monitored my heart, brain waves and a ton of other things. I was able to say, "what happened?" And everyone just stared at me in disbelief, as if they didn't expect me to speak. As if they didn't know that I was going to was up. Then I heard someone say "you had a seziure last night........." And then the voice drifted off. I might have been my husband who said it or my dad or my mom.........honestly......I don't really know because I was still in shock at this seizure they said that I had and then the fact that I could barely talk, everyone looking at me so strange.......it was a lot to process. 

My husband stared at me as I laid there and later on when everyone left he told me that the doctors asked him if he had any funeral plans for me because they knew not if I was going to make it. He didn't know what to think. We had a new baby at home and 2 other children and he never saw this life without us raising them together. He held his composure but I couldn't when he told me that. I play that scene in my mind (well how I think it panned out) every now and again. Had I left this earth prematurely what would become of the things that I left. 

 

So for 3 weeks I stayed at the hospital. 2 weeks in ICU and 1 week in neurology. I had lost so much weight and even my skin color was different. I was told that I was very dark, the kind of dark that you see when someone is deteriorating from death. I was always confused and barely had an appetite. I missed my children so much and as laid in the bed day in and day out, I fought to remember them. See I had lost almost everything in that moment. Not just my memory but my sense of life, the things that I once craved, my health, my dreams, my aspiration, I had lost my sense of living.........*sigh* 

The power, the healing power of God sustained my life and when the death angel walked in the room that night, Christ stood up on my behalf. I don't even remember asking Him to save me but He did. I don't remember what I mouthed to Him but He heard me. I can't even fathom why God did what He did for me because....I don't even know a "because" I just know that I am forever indebted to Him as long as I have breath in my lungs and life in my body. 

Today is my new birthday!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! It's been 2 years since I looked death in the face and was brought back from it. It's been 2 years of dealing with anxiety, battling depression and all the things that I don't share with the people around me. Near death experiences do that to you. Some ppl suffer Post Traumatic stress disorder, some anxiety and etc........it's  been 2 years that I lost and now thankfully, I've found. It's been 2 years but today......those 2 years are only a testament to what God can do, not just for me but for you. If He can bring me back from the dead.........what more can He do for you?? 

Don't give up! He's working it out for you too! 

Won't you join me in celebrating my 2 years of NEW LIFE, RENEWED HEALTH, GROWTH AND MOST OF ALL LOVE!!!

God....you did that!! All praises due to you!! 

This is a True story........

Details.....

Every now and again, I pop in on my blog.....as ME! :) 

Casually dressed today in Isabel Marant sneakers, Armani Jeans, Fendi T-shirt, Yves Saint Laurent and Marc Jacobs bracelet! 

Another day, another slay! Hope everyone is having a great day! *hugs and kisses*